Tuttu (Shireen)

This poem was composed after my first daughter was born. I remember vividly the day of her birth. What amazed me was that she didn't look like a newly born baby. She looked like a two week or three week old baby. She didn’t have the redness and wrinkles of the skin or undefined features of the face and the body of a newly born. She seemed fully formed. This could have been due to my wife receiving booster injections during pregnancy. And I can’t forget my first glimpse of her as my mother-in-law held her in her arms. Her eyes were wide open and she smiled at me. I know that as I say this, none of you is going to believe me. But it’s true and I couldn’t believe it myself. She was fondly called tuttu by everyone and as she was the first grandchild for both families she received all the affection she could get. I wrote this poem while I was in Munnar teaching. Munnar is lovely hill station in Kerala, India. I don't have a photo of her as a baby with me right now.

Tuttu, my own,

barging into my life,

your birth 

birthed me to fatherhood.

Startled, I sensed you –

an enigma of life.

Your body,

a tremor of tender life

a streak of energy.

And I smelt the world alive

in your wee body,

throbbing, trembling.

Can I ever forgot

your wonder-filled eyes

taking me in with the world

soon after your birth

and your innocent melting smile?

You are a many-faced god

like the ever changing evening sky.

Bliss-faced sleep,

focused awakened state,

energy, while hungry and at play,

craving contentment while suckling.

Your cute haunting smile

remains etched forever

in my self.

I can feel it flower

on the mountains below,

burn in the evening sky,

melt in the shadowy trees,

and gleam in my mind’s eye.

As I hold you in my hands

I shiver, for

you are a fragile flower

and you could wither.

In you, I sniff life and death

and the world’s pain.

O Tuttu, my sweet Tuttu,

may Life’s energy gush

through you 

undisturbed and whole.